Some Questions Regarding The 9 Principles of #mikesCreed
The 9 Principles of Mike's Creed are not unique, I didn't make them up. I am merely applying these principles, taught by others, into the process of interpreting other people's verbal and non-verbal communications. They have proven themselves time and time again.
I will do my best to share my learnings, with the hope that you may be encouraged to apply them for the benefit of yourself and those in your life.
Here are the 9 Principles of Mike's Creed:
- Seek to understand (get clarity), from the source
- Assume they have the best intentions
- Assume they are intelligent
- Give them the benefit of the doubt
- Look past their delivery methods
- Trust them until given reason not to
- Acknowledge my interpretations could be wrong
(regardless how sound and logical they are) - Be teachable
- Follow these principles until conclusive reason not to
I intend on breaking each principle out into it's own post, and discussing it in detail, but before doing so, let me answer a few questions.
Questions
Where did these principles come from and why #mikesCreed?
Well, all over the place. I can't pin down most of these principles to anything or anyone specific. I've read lots of books on building businesses, managing people, improving myself, and loving others. These works, along with my obsessive analysis of circumstances, conversations, and events, over time, are how these principles came together and eventually were referred to as #mikesCreed. The reason for labeling them #mikesCreed was to save time with my friends and family. I didn't want to have to keep reminding those I was in communication with, each principle individually, over and over. It became #mikesCreed to those close to me, and now to you.
Why are these principles important to me?
I've learned that these principles are worth their weight in gold, and more importantly they have greatly improved my relationships with everyone, especially those close to me. When you see something work enough times, with positive impact, it naturally becomes important to you.
More specifically, because I have been often misunderstood by many in my life, especially those close to me, it made me wonder how often I was getting others wrong. If I know people are getting me wrong, I wonder if I'm doing the same. My delivery method doesn't match what I want; my tone and body language doesn't often match my intentions. I wondered how true this is for others. I've been wrong about my conclusions enough to realize that no matter how right and logically sound I believe I am, I know I could be wrong. I wondered if others observed this as well. My wonderings turned into testing my theories, which turned into a deep conviction that I'm not alone in being misunderstood. I'm not the only one who is misunderstood because of a delivery method, tone, body language, use of a word, or the look on their face. In short, practicing these principles is a necessity for me. I cannot not practice them, and with the results being so good, I owe it to myself to follow them.
In summary, these principles are important to me because I've learned that they are right and they have improved my relationships with family, friends and acquaintances. I'm a better listener, and enjoy others more because of these principles.
When should these principles be followed?
Always. But the clear trigger for when to be thinking about applying these principals is most definitely when your interpretation of another's communication has the possibility of being "negative" (i.e. hurtful, felt suspicious or awkward, rubbed you the wrong way, seemed to contradict what you know, may be weird or odd, etc...). Always practice these principles when listening to another, but definitely when another comes across "negatively."
How closely should these principles be followed?
Short answer: Follow these principles at all times, no matter how bizarre it may seem to you, until given "proof" not to. You owe it to yourself and others to default on following them. If you don't believe me, and even if you do, do the hard work yourself of clarifying your interpretations with others. Check your "negative" interpretation of someone's words or actions, clarify with with them. Ask questions like "When you rolled your eyes, was that at me" or "That tone sounded angry, are you angry," or "When you said X, can you clarify." When you take the time to clarify with the source your "negative' interpretations, you'll quickly learn ... you're wrong a lot. What you were naturally inclined to take as "negative" is almost always positive. So, as you will find, you owe it to yourself to follow these closely. It's to everyone's benefit.
What do I mean by Proof?
When I say follow these principles at all times, until given "proof" not to, what do I mean by proof?Proof isn't because you think its true, or all the circumstantial evidence suggests its true, or you feel its true, or others feel its true. What I mean by "proof" is, you have concrete evidence. You sought clarity from the sources, and have learned the truth. That is what I mean by proof in this context of #mikesCreed.
Until given proof not to follow any one these principles, you give everyone the full measure of #mikesCreed regardless of how difficult that may be for you... and it will be difficult at times.
Are there exceptions to following these principles?
Not really. The principles are to be followed until given proof not to. But, there are times to not follow them, for example:
- Politicians and the Media, have given good reason to apply healthy suspicion to the things they say and do. Sure, listen and try to practice but no need to be blind here. You have proof that trusting them is bad.
- Your spouse, kids, close family members, or even acquaintances with no history of confirmed lying, no history of hurting you on purpose, no history of confirmed being mean to you, etc., these people ... deserve #mikesCreed to the fullest, until proven otherwise.
Context, context, context ... always matters. Historical precedence also highly matters. Your personal instincts should not be ignored either, but all that said, you should follow these principles, without exception, until given confirmed reason not to. And when you can't confirm, you choose to give them #mikesCreed.
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