If this is your first time here, please start here:
What is Mikes Creed?
THE #mikesCreed CHALLENGE
Before I continue discussing each principle as I originally planned on doing, it might be best to first offer you a challenge. I've noticed in talking to people there are several barriers to practicing #mikesCreed.
Here are some difficult hurdles to overcome:
- Our Pride. We are logical, smart people, and our conclusions are weaved intelligently together from the known facts
- Reasonable Doubt. It's hard to believe that people don't realize they are delivering their message "negatively."
- Our Blindness. It's difficult to see a different perspective with years of unchecked "negative" but believable interpretations
- Our Brokenness. People lie.
These, and more, are legitimate barriers that need to be addressed in order to benefit from practicing #mikesCreed.
Our Pride:
Until we realize that there are multiple, believable, logical, narratives in life ... we will accidently assume that our reasonable, intellectual, conclusions are the only ones. But consider for a second the plethora of conspiracy theories in life: moon landings, flat earth, 9/11, big foot, and many many more. Or what about those who-done-it movies where up until the very end you had multiple different logical conclusions ... that were all wrong. When you take the time to listen to people describe their conclusions, you can appreciate why people believe things differently. And sometimes, the real question is, why do we prefer our own interpretation when there are other good ones? Until we can accept that there are other people who are just as smart, and just as genuine, having different conclusions, we will never have the humility it takes to truly listen to other perspectives, let alone have the flexibility to try on a positive conclusion to our negative ones. Note: I'm NOT saying truth is relative ... that is not my point. My point is, you gotta have some humility with your own conclusions because there are many reasonable ways to see things.
Reasonable Doubt:
If you believe that everyone mostly communicates clearly, the way they intended to communicate, then you either are an excellent communicator, which is rare, and therefore are projecting on to others your strength, OR you haven't clarified your conclusions (negative or positive) with enough people to realize that you were wrong, and their delivery wasn't clear. You have to take the time to clarify what others are saying, especially if it sounds/feels "negative." Until doing so, you won't realize how true it is that most people do NOT deliver clear concise messages or even come across as they were hoping. Often times their body language, or tones contradict or distracts from their actual message. The only way to realize this is test it out, clarify with the source. You'll be surprised at how often you'll learn they had no idea their message came across the way you received it. In fact, they will likely be defensive and deny they even came across like that.
Our Blindness:
One barrier for example is an interpretation of a repeated behavior over time. Let's say a family member tends to roll their eyes when listening to you, and this has been happening for years. And for good reason you've always assumed this was negative, because there are lots of possible "negative" ways to interpret someone rolling their eyes. But, and don't let your pride get in the way, if you've never clarified with them about this behavior then you probably have a long history of unchecked interpretations that are wrong. You're smart, for sure, and your interpretation is absolutely believable. But, years of unchecked interpretations doesn't prove anything but instead can make you blind to the truth. It's hard to give the benefit of the doubt to someone when you have so many years of behavior from them that supports your interpretation. But, you cannot be stubborn here. Have you ever considered the possibility that their thought windows is up to the right or some other positive explanation for their eyes rolling? You cannot merely trust your "negative" unconfirmed interpretations, just because it makes really good sense and just because you have years of examples. In life there are many believable narratives about almost everything and they don't all agree.
Our Brokenness:
Practicing #mikesCreed isn't blind to the reality that one will be bamboozled at some point, people do lie. When I have the boldness to clarify a negative conclusion with the source, the fact of the matter is, they could simply lie. They could realize they were called out on their "negative" communication and instead deflect, blame or lie in response. This is true. At face value, lying, isn't a surprising response to being called out. Now what? Maybe some questions could help minimize the concern here? Would you lie if a friend or family member clarified with you? Do you really believe your family member or close friend is a liar? Does your close friend or family member have a history of lying? Could you be projecting? Should we assume you're a liar? However you answer those questions, let me encourage you to play the odds. I have yet to be bamboozled, that I know of. But also, let's say they do lie ... and I never find out. Oh no! I'm still able to treat them normally and enjoy them. You know they could lie to you, but until given proof go ahead and trust them. Choosing to believe the best isn't being stupid, it's choosing the more likely option, and this makes them, and life more enjoyable. Who doesn't want that?!?
So, in order to address our barriers, and help us enjoy the benefits of practicing #mikesCreed, we need to see the results for ourselves. WE need to test this out.
Here is the #mikesCreed challenge.
For the next 20 times you feel like someone did, said or acted in a way that caused you to feel something "negative," you are challenged to do 1 of 2 things:
1. Clarify your "negative" interpretation of someone's words or actions directly with them. Ask questions like "When you rolled your eyes, was that at me" or "That tone sounded angry, are you angry," or "When you said X, can you clarify." When you take the time to clarify with the source your "negative" interpretations, you'll quickly learn ... you're wrong a lot. What you were naturally inclined to take as "negative" is almost always positive. So, as you will find, you owe it to yourself to follow #mikesCreed closely. It's to everyone's benefit.
OR
2. If you cannot clarify for any number of reasons (i.e. its too awkward, it was something on TV, the person is no longer around, etc...) you play a game. The game is, think about what was just communicated (verbal or not), disregard the delivery method, assume they had good intentions, and imagine the most positive way to interpret what was communicated, AND BELIEVE THAT.
Now, you may default to option 2 often, but this won't help you the most. Not until you have enough evidence from practicing option 1, then option 2 becomes easy and easy to believe. But, option 1 is going to be the game changer for you. It is what is going to prove to yourself that your "negative" interpretations are most often wrong. So, you need to find someone you can trust or a few people and let them know you are taking the #mikesCreed challenge. Or don't tell them anything about the challenge. Just make sure you have at least 10 times that you practiced option 1. And notice how often you were wrong. Notice that negative feeling or sense of disconnect that you originally had, was wrong. You have to see this for yourself. It is a game changer in life with people. You will enjoy people more and be more enjoyable yourself.
I dare you to take the #mikesCreed challenge. I believe you'll be surprised at the results.
Clarification of what I mean by "negative."
When I say that an interpretation is "negative," in these posts, I mean hurtful, felt suspicious or awkward, rubbed you the wrong way, seemed to contradict what you know, felt weird, odd or disconnecting, etc...
Here are the principles of #mikesCreed for reference:
- Seek to understand (get clarity), from the source
- Assume they have the best intentions
- Assume they are intelligent
- Give them the benefit of the doubt
- Look past their delivery methods
- Trust them until given reason not to
- Acknowledge my interpretations could be wrong
(regardless how sound and logical they are) - Be teachable
- Follow these principles until conclusive reason not to
- Discussing: Assume they have the best intentions
No comments:
Post a Comment